Living moment to moment is both thrilling and for me a bit unnerving. Letting go of control, (the required action) is a constant practice/discipline. The subtle push of impatience and pull of procrastination still likes to get my attention from time to time. And if both are operating simultaneously I feel like I am being squished from both sides. The good news is the freedom available in the moment is winning more and more and my habits and reactive patterns are diminishing. I don’t like that feeling of separation and upset. Last night in the middle of a long-awaited finale, my TV cable box froze. I wish I could say I laughed instantly and moved on. But no, I did not. I jumped right out of the moment, reacted, called Spectrum, the cable company, and they reset the cable box deleting the in progress taping. At some point it became funny especially realizing I had completely sacrificed the equanimity that had been present all day. I started over this morning with a fresh start engaging my patience and presence excited to see what I will do the next time I get to choose between habits and now.
Dealing with mom’s health has me dealing with my impatience. I cannot go faster if I want to support her. She’s moving in slow motion, so for me the lesson is: What can I enjoy while moving slowly? Oh.. and I’m sorry about your show! Could you get it back?